What I learnt after a painful breakup
I wished there was a magical solution to this where one takes a potion that varnishes all the hurt in an instant and viola, you are whole again.
It had been 5 years since my last serious relationship had ended where I thought I had found 'the one'. I thought the constant fighting and quarrels were all a part of the relationship process, that if we did not struggle in the relationship, it is not normal. If we worked hard enough to solve our differences, it would work out. I thought I was so sure in my heart that he was going to be the one I would spend the rest of my life with, that I was oblivious to the cracks in the relationship.
With every ending, there is a new beginning
Things had to fall apart, so that it can be rebuilt on a stronger, more solid foundation. When you were in a partnership for so long, you tend to lose your individuality, well at least for me it did. His likes becomes my likes. His hobbies became mine. His values became my own. The line became blurred after some time. So after the break up, it was like a rebirth. I had to pick myself up to rediscover myself again. Who was I? What did I really like and dislike? What are my core values? These couple of years had been a journey of self-discovery.
Seeing things from a different perspective
You may or may not continue to meet men who are not meant for you after the breakup. They will test your newfound faith and believes about yourself. I found myself falling under the ‘spell’ of some. I was angry with myself, with the men that I crossed paths with, and with the universe. I cried myself to sleep thinking why I had to meet all the wrong men and hated myself for making those decisions.
But my perspective soon shifted. When I decided to look at them as blessings and lessons from the universe, things became a lot easier. I began to see a pattern in my relationships. A sudden realisation hit me. I saw that I was attracting emotionally unavailable men, and that I was giving my power away because of my own lack of self worth. The universe taught me a valuable lesson. They were put in my path so that I can rediscover my own self worth and to build myself up again.
All things happen for a reason
If anything that magical post-breakup remedy was self-internalisation, time, a healthy dose of self-love and emotional strength. The universe sure has funny way of taking me on a healing and soul’s growth journey. I believe that all things, people, situations and circumstances happen for a reason, and nothing happens by chance. Everything in life, big or small, is connected for a purpose, whether we consciously or unconsciously are aware of.
Forgive and Give Thanks
Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself for all the choices that you may or may not have done in the past. Forgive your past, and most importantly forgive yourself. Lastly, give THANKS to your past for all the lessons that it has given you. GIVE THANKS to the universe for making you the strong and resilient woman that you are today!